MIA
by Maddie-san
Summary: Time was the enemy; it took and it did not give back. He hides wasting time, forgetting the years that took everything from him. She lurks, hoping to retrieve the time and life that was taken from her. In a wicked twist of fate, their timelines converge. Can they make sense of what their lives has become or will they push each other away?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **I should not be doing this. I really shouldn't. I know. I'm sorry. But it's been sitting there for a like a month and I have to post it or it will drive me absolutely insane. So again, I'm sorry.

Also, Merry Christmas :)

**M.I.A**

**1. Sunday, Bloody Sunday**

_Oh great, now I'm lost._

A sigh flowed from her red lips and then she popped them in annoyance. Pale, sticky fingers ran through her wet, sweaty bangs and she pushed the dark locks back, trying to cool off her warm skin. Nobody told her Canada was going to be _warm_. Wasn't it supposed to be polar bears, meese and igloos? What a load of crap. She took another step forward, the sole of her white sneakers splashing around the brown mud. Why, why did she decide this was a good idea? Technically she was a forest girl. She spent years roaming around the feudal era. This should be an easy task - and yet she felt like a city girl stuck in her worst nightmare.

To be fair, canadian forests were much different from the ones she was used to and - _well_, she was never that good with directions. Plus her english skills were not quite on point yet. It was enough to travel and get around but apparently not enough to stay on track. The way the wet tip of her ponytail kept swinging across the back of her neck was hard to ignore but she kept focus. This was not the adventure she had in mind. Actually, this was never the life she saw for herself. It all began when the well spat her back in her own time and locked her there. She supposed it was the right way to fix all the loose ends and the screwy timeline _but_ -

It did not mean it was a painless way to end it all.

It hurt, for a long time.

She recovered bit by bit and ended up trying to find ways to move on with her life. The changes happened at a slow pace. She hung out with her friends again but despite her best efforts, it was not the same. They were older, diverging into their own paths and frankly, she was nothing more than a distant memory. In a desperate attempt to regain some normalcy, she dated Hojo. It was a terrible mistake - one she realized a bit too late. She did not have enough to give him and it hardly mattered how hard she tried; she could not love him. Unfortunately it took her six months of dating and a few awkward sexual sessions to realize that.

Kagome also tried returning to school, getting the education she never succeeded in obtaining, but it did not work. After a while she settled on getting some low pay job. She did it full time for a couple of years, never spending a single penny. Then - then the solution flashed through her mind. She took everything and left. Nothing permanent, nothing forever. A few travels, exploring the world. She saw so much and yet nothing. She thought the answer was out there somewhere. Canada was the last one on the list and still she did not find what she was looking for - maybe she asked for too much.

Regardless, she was here. She would make the best out of it - if she ever made it out of those wretched woods. How else was she going to find that _drive_ back? That need that gave her a reason to get up each day?

She extended her arm and pushed some branches out of her face. What she missed was the large brown root sticking from the ground. Her foot hooked around it and before she could stop the fall, she landed on the ground. Her chin was the first to hit, a loud cracking sound echoing through the quietness. She winced, teeth digging in her top lip, drawing blood. The warm liquid spread in her mouth while she zoned out, her brain shaking in her skull. Palms brushed the cold ground while she tried to push herself up. Stars danced in her eyes and all she managed to do was get on her knees. She wiped the blood leaking down her chin before cleaning her hand on her kaki shorts. _Fuck_. The scent of blood was never a good thing.

She gazed at her surroundings, waiting for everything to stop moving. She was lucky she did not break her jaw. At least one positive thing happened throughout the whole day. Once she felt steady enough, she grabbed on to the evil root that caused her fall and lifted herself up. Her legs were a bit shaky but it she knew she could not stay here. Blood, lost… and it was not getting any earlier? She had to find her way out before they fished her dead body out of a wolf's den. _That was crazy_. There were no wolves up here… right?

The idea of digging through her backpack for something - anything that might guide her crossed her mind but before she could go through with it, a sound tore her away from her thoughts. Her blue eyes snapped ahead and what she saw took her breathe away; a wolf. That was the fucking worst joke fate could play on her. Her lungs stayed crushed while her eyes met his sad, brown ones. Its fur was an ashy grey, his legs unsteady. Nope. Now that she thought about it, w_olves_ were definitively not in the pamphlet. Running was the option to avoid; it would chase her. It would be a thrill to hunt her down and tear her apart. But she had no desire to run, she was locked in place. It did not feel threatening.

It felt as though all this was familiar.

There was a race of a heart, a heartbeat out of place and then silence.

The wolf was staring at her, never making a move. Its fangs were hidden and it was not growling; only staring. Her left foot dragged across the ground while she quietly, step by step, approached the beast. She expected it to lunge forward - or run away scared, though she never thought a wolf would run away from her. It did neither. It remained where it stood, observing her every movement, her every breathe. The air in her lungs was burning, her skin was prickling with cold sweats of fear. She was insane, she had to be. Her time in the feudal era screwed up her instincts and she was not as afraid as she should be.

None of those thoughts stopped her.

She exhaled, her lips trembling. _Come on,_ _you already got this far_. She kneeled forward, ready to stretch out her hand to close the distance between them. And then _bang_. Her palm smacked something hard, the shock of it sending her backward. Her back hit the ground, though it did not hurt as much as she expected. She winced, rubbing the lower part of her back. She slid back up to sit on her rear and then glanced up at whatever she hit. What she saw was not what she expected. In front of her was a man. He was tall with a sturdy built, towering over her which made her feel small and insignificant. A shiver jolted through her spine while her eyes traveled up. Dirty brown boots covered in mud, dark blue jeans and a red and black plaid shirt with a dark t-shirt beneath it.

Kagome tried to steal a peek at his face but it was hidden. Long brown bangs covered his face all the way to his nose. The rest of his long strand of hair were tied up in a pony tail. From her angle she could notice some grey hair peppered through his mane. She could see his mouth though; nice pink lips with a hint of teeth showing. _Wait._ Teeth showing?

"Get out."

When he spoke his voice was hoarse and deep.

The hair on her arm stood but she tried to keep her composure. "Excuse me?"

"I said get out," he repeated, his voice whispering a warning.

Her glance hardened as she pressed a hand to the ground. A wobble of her body shook to her core while she got herself back on her feet and then put her hands on her hips. "I'm sorry but I wasn't aware anyone _owned_ these woods."

She heard him scoff. "Actually, this is my land."

Wait. What? Nobody owned a forest did they? He was making this up. "You can't own a forest."

"I don't _own_ the forest. I own this part of the land."

"Oh well." She brushed the dust off of her pants. "I - I didn't know that."

"Yeah well now you know." He leaned back. "So now you can get the hell out."

A perfect dark eyebrow arched. "Are you always this nice or am I getting special treatment?"

"I'm not playing games, get out."

For the first time since their conversation began, the wolf made an appearance. It snuck up behind the rude man's leg, using the legs as hiding spot. All Kagome could see was the tip of its nose, clouds of white air forming around it every time the beast exhaled.

"Watch out!"

He scoffed. "I'll be fine."

She should leave. He made it very clear that she was not welcome and he was everything but nice to her. Also, if he was telling the truth, she was trespassing upon his lands. He had every right to kick her out - although he did not have to be so awfully rude about it. She sighed, her shoulders sagging before she admitted defeat. It was probably best to put as much distance as possible between him and her. After all, he was a stranger and he did have a _wolf_ as a pet. He had to be slightly insane. Of course, she was in no position to judge people about their sanity. She was a time traveling miko after all.

"I'll be on my way then."

"You do that."

Kagome turned around, feeling his eyes on her the entire time. There was something off about this man; it was probably all the anger radiating from his body. No wonder he lived alone in the woods. He had no social skills. Again, it felt like the pot calling the kettle.

She took a few steps, kicking leaves with the stained tips of her shoes, until finally she was forced to stop in her tracks. _Right_ this little encounter did not fix her situation at all. One fact remained; she was lost. He might not be the nicest person she ever met but he was probably the only person she would find in this forest. If she did not ask for direction now she might end up wandering around for hours. The darkness was lurking and now that she knew there were _wolves_ around… _oh my god_ he was going to swear at her. Oh well. Kagome turned around only to find what she expected; he was still staring at her.

He was not happy. "_What now?"_

She sighed. "I'm lost okay?" There was no time to be prideful. "Can you at least tell me which way to go? And then I promise I'll get out of your way _forever_."

"Somehow I highly doubt that," he sneered. "Keep a straight line. You'll find a big rock. Go left, and then just follow the little path all the way out."

She offered him a sarcastic bow. "Thank you."

For the first time since their abrupt meeting, he tilted his head backwards. Brown bangs swiped to the side, his eyes finally came into view. Bright blue eyes stared at her, their color contrasting with his tan skin. During a few seconds, she did not breathe. A feeling of familiarity washed over her but it quickly faded and she inhaled. The second thing she noticed were the marks on his face. She could not see them before but now they appeared so clear; scars. They covered his cheeks, his forehead…one of them even went across his left eye. What happened to him? She cringed, though she knew she should not. It probably happened from living with all those wolves.

His eyes hardened when the pity shone in her eyes and it forced him to look away from her gaze as though she had burned him. "_Well. _You said you'd get out of my way."

"Yeah. Don't worry, I keep my promises," she said as she turned around.

She never looked back. Instead, she kept walking straight ahead. _What a jackass. _

Time turned to minutes which in turn turned to half an hour. Kagome followed the instructions to the dot, she even turned at the rock like he said. Still, his path felt as if it was never ending. At this point, everything looked the same to her; all the trees, all the rocks, all the dirt. The night settled in, the white shiny moon more visible than ever. The sky was battling colors of blackness with hints of blue. Shouldn't she have found her way out by now? She wrapped her frail arms around her body, rubbing the fabric of her shirt in a futile attempt to warm herself up. What options did she have left? Die in the dark? At least her bleeding stopped somewhere along the way.

She sighed, wincing as she thought about her stupidity. She was an idiot. It was not because nothing bad happened so far that nothing was ever going to go wrong. This was proof of it. This whole trip was pointless. It did not give her an answer, it did not make her life better. Despite everything she did nothing changed and everything was the same. Except now she might die, by herself in this wretched forest. She survived demons and Naraku but she was going to die in a cold forest - alone. Then again, was this not the way she was since her return? Alone.

"_You have got to be fucking kidding me_."

Her head snapped up at the words and her eyes widened at the sight in front of her. _It was that jerk!_

He standing in front of her, a black plastic bag in his left hand. It was sagging, probably very heavy, although it did not look like it. He let it hit the ground before taking a few steps in her direction. "What are you still doing here?"

Her eyes fluttered while she resisted the urge to roll them. "I DON'T KNOW!" she screamed out of exasperation. She ran her fingers through her hair ready to pull at the black strands. "I followed _your_ directions and - and apparently… I ended up right back where I started."

"My directions were fine. You're the idiot."

She scoffed. "What is your problem? You've never met me. Why do you hate me so much?"

"I don't hate you, I just want you away from here."

"WHY!"

She was not destroying anything, she was not going through his stuff or anything like that! Why was he so bent on being rude to her?

His blue eyes narrowed and he closed the distance between them in the blink of an eye. Suddenly she could feel the warmth of his body close to hers, but they never made contact. He stared down at her, hands fisted at his sides. "Look, I just want you to go."

"_I tried to leave!_"

"Then follow the way out again."

"Clearly your directions were wrong!"

"_Or you're an idiot!_"

"ARGH!" she screamed in rage before putting her hand on his arm and then she pushed him out of her way.

That was the one mistake, the one that shifted everything.

The moment her hands made contact with him, he felt it. It was a bright light that traveled through him, pulsing like the blood in his veins and taking over his aura. He should have remained still but instead, the air was knocked out of his chest and he groaned. He wheezed, bending in two. _Only one person felt like this, only one person had this kind of power._ But that person was long gone. That person was dead, never to be seen again. For the first time, his features softened and there was a deep pain soaring through his heart. He longed for that touch, he prayed for that beautiful face but he never saw it again.

"Kagome," the name was like a lost whisper on his lips. He said it without even meaning to do it - the feeling was overwhelming.

But it was enough for her to stop.

"What did you say?"

A shiver of fear trailed down her skin and she could no longer move. Her feet were like anchors, keeping her locked in her current position. She might be forgetful, she might speak a lot, but there was one thing she was convinced of; she never told him her name. Her body was trembling, her clothes shaking along with her skin. She barely managed to control her neck enough to turn it but when she did she saw a sight she missed before. It was no longer an angry, bitter man she had in front of her; it was someone else. Kind, blue eyes that burned with a passion. Past the scars there was that well-known tan skin along with the expression of confusion that was oh so familiar. Although, the one thing that truly gave it away was the hint of fangs glimmering beneath his lips.

It was unreal, it was a dream. She was lost in the forest, dying of hunger and thirst and she simply did not know it. This time, it was her turn to whisper. "Kouga?"

Her body wavered with a tingle of familiarity and her breathe remained caught in her throat. Her eyes were locked on him, waiting for him to speak and shatter her illusion but he never did. Instead, he stared back at her, those piercing blue eyes staring straight into her soul. He was about as shocked as she was, his mouth hanging low and his eyes widened. She could not move, she could not close the distance between their bodies. Instead, she felt the tears coming. This was a sick twist of fate. She lost everything. She was forced to move on and forget about all the beautiful years she spent in the Feudal Era. None of it belonged to her anymore.

But there he was - like all of it was real. Forcing her to reel back in memories she buried deep inside. It was not fair, why was life this cruel?

Her heart snapped and she could no longer hold back the tears burning at her eyes. They spilled upon her cheeks, a welcomed warmth upon her cold skin. This time, he was forced to react. She watched him, immobile, while he took long strides in her direction. She never realized how close he was until he wrapped strong, muscular arms around her tiny frame. Her chest collided against his and the air was forced out of her lungs. His large hands shook while he rested them against the small of her back. His nose was tickling the flesh of her skin, warm puff of airs blowing on free strands of her hair. He was _real_.

She might not want to believe it but she could not ignore the truth spoken by her heart. Her _aura_, it recognized him. The feel of him, the musky pine scent of his hair - a scent she never knew he had until now, until the memories of it invaded her mind. _Kouga was here, in the modern time…and…and he was holding her_. In one second, her heart began to swell while a surge of feelings traveled through her. Everything she ignored, everything she pushed deep inside came back to the surface and during a single moment, it felt too much to handle. There was a quiver of her bottom lip but she managed to keep the rest under control.

Then, she let herself feel.

After what appeared to be an eternity, she wrapped her frail arms around his muscular chest, fingers trembling around his shoulder blades. Her nails dug in his skin, right through his shirt but he did not move. Tears stained his clothes but she buried her face deeper in his chest regardless. As she lost herself into the embrace, she suddenly felt him stiffen. She opened an eye, trying to catch a glimpse of his expression but she was too late. His hands moved to her shoulders and he gently pushed her away from his body. His eyes looked the same as before but he was rigid. She chose to ignore it as she smiled at him.

"I - I can't believe this."

"You can't?" he said with a smirk. "You're a _five hundred_ years old human."

She scrunched her face. "Yeah, that's a rather long story."

"I've got time and a house. A warm house."

"Then you have yourself a deal," she replied with a smile.

He grinned at her before leading her deeper into the forest. Her heart fluttered, a good feeling settling in her chest for the first time in a long while.

-M-

"You have gotta be kiddin' me."

His laughter was loud, forcing him to bend in two as his entire body shook. His elbow kept hitting the table, shaking his half full glass of rum.

"Trust _me_, there is way worse," she said bringing her own glass to her lips. She took a sip, the warm liquid burning her throat as it went down.

She had not drank as much as he had. She was on her fourth glass and it was enough to make her head a little woozy; she was not a frequent drinker. If she took anymore, she might end up drunk on her ass and it was not exactly how she wanted to do this little reunion. Kouga on the other hand had the highest tolerance she had ever seen. He was up to six? seven? Maybe more. And he looked as sober as when he began. Hopefully she would be able to keep a straight face on.

A last laughter died on his lips as he reached out for his drink. He brought it to his lip, downing to whole thing in one shot. He lifted the Jack Daniel's bottle and filled it back up to the brim. He lifted his glance and raised an eyebrow, silently asking her if she wanted more.

She should not but she nodded and he poured her another.

"So," she asked before clearing her throat. "What about you?" She glanced around, taking in the rather rustic appearance of his house. "You clearly made your own house - out of wood. You live _in the woods_ and … what else am I missing?"

He smirked at her but this time, there was something hidden beneath it, a flash of darkness. It was brief but she saw it. "I live by myself." He took a sip. "Just me, a few wolves."

"Real wolves or Ginta and Hakkaku?" she said with a grin. It was impossible for those two to have left Kouga alone. They followed him to the end of the world and she did not see that changing. Even if they got a family of their own. There was not a single thing they would not do for Kouga.

"_Wolves_."

She swallowed hard as cold atmosphere set around them. There was no funny reunion, no deep laugh and no joy; it was all dead. Instead, there was the shiver of death surrounding them and she was afraid to ask. His voice was bitter and deep; he did not want to talk about it. One thing was clear; Ginta and Hakkaku were no longer around. A rolling feeling turned her stomach around while emptiness settled in. She wondered if the heart palpitations and the nausea was due to the alcohol or her current nervousness. She let her fingers glide across the rim of her glass, her digits shaking. Maybe she did need another drink.

_One gulp_ and it was gone.

"Pretty tame for _wolves_," she stuttered.

He scoffed. "Yeah, well, that's cause you're nice. You're lucky he didn't eat you alive." He forced a smile. "You're the only one who would approach a wild wolf."

"Yeah, I was never really good at noticing the danger around me."

He saved her a few times and was there in the first row watching her clumsily fight her way through the feudal era.

This time, he did not ask. He picked up the rum and filled her glass back up along with his. She could not help but wonder _how_ he was able to handle this much alcohol. Youkai or not, he was about to finish the bottle - that had to impact him somehow.

"So you got anything else more comfortable than this wooden chair? My back is killing me." It was mostly due to the hiking she did recently but a change of atmosphere would be welcomed. Maybe it would lessen the tension surrounding them.

"You better watch it," he teased. "I built that myself."

"Impressive," she said glancing at it. "But I don't think it's made for weak humans."

He chuckled while wrapping his fingers around his glass. "Well, I didn't build my couch. So we could try that."

"Couch it is," she said with a smile.

She got up from the chair, her glass in her hand and she waited for him. They had yet to do the tour of the house and she had no idea where she was headed. He picked up the bottle from the table and began to lead the way. The house was compact but it did not mean it was small. He kept the wood as it was, never painting over anything and the decoration was rustic. It had its charm and it was large enough especially for him alone. Though she did not want to think about him being all alone because she did not want to think about the story behind it and the pain he was hiding in his heart.

When she saw him, in the woods, he looked angry and bitter then he became the good old Kouga again. They laughed, they drank, she told him the story of her time traveling ways - _and then_ the Kouga she knew was gone again.

Was the happy Kouga a facade?

He led her to a brown leather couch and he sunk in the middle seat. She sat beside him, only a little bit of space between their bodies. He put the bottle of rum down on the pine table and kept his glass in his hand. "Better?"

"Much better," she said as she leaned into the couch.

Yes, it was better here than over there. His smile was back on his face and he appeared more relaxed; perhaps earlier was nothing more than a flux. Maybe there was still the happy Kouga somewhere in there. There was a happy Kagome left inside of her. Why would it not be the same for him? It might be her lack of social skills that was showing. She was not used to talking to people anymore.

"So, what do you do?"

"What do you mean?" Another sip.

"You live in the woods. What do you do? Do you work? Do you farm?"

He laughed. "Farm?"

"I don't know," she said while leaning her head into the couch. Her head was beginning to feel quite heavy. At first it was fun, it was bubbly but now, she felt her own hopeless sneak in. She was not comfortable anymore. She feared she might say the wrong thing, she feared she might over share. There were things she was not going to tell him - or anyone. There were parts of herself that were for her own privacy and nothing else. He looked like he had some of those secrets as well.

"I do some wood work. I don't have a phone. I built the house. The land is mine."

"I'm sorry?" she said, laughter escaping her. "You don't have a phone?"

"I don't have anyone I need to call."

There it was, the stabbing pain in her chest that told her she went too far. He was not expanding upon the subject but he was letting out those littles calls. Was she being a bad friend because she did not ask? Technically they were not friends…they had not seen each other in a long time. The more time she spent beside him, the more she realized he was not the Kouga she used to know. He was someone else. He was almost a stranger and she did not know if it was scary or thrilling.

She approached her glass to her lips with a shaky hands. Once she downed half of it, she made a sour face. God that was disgusting. She took a deep breathe and turned her head, letting it slump against the couch because _fuck_ it was too heavy for her to lift it. "What happened?"

"What?"

"What happened to Ginta and Hakkaku?"

She held her breathe and watched him as he focused on his drink. Old Kouga would have answered her but this Kouga - she did not know what to expect from him. She _needed _this, she needed to find her friend. After all the shit that happened, after everything that went down, she needed some comfort and solace. He was supposed to be the answer to that. Why would life do this to her? She found him and now he was not who she thought? No, it was not fair. She went through hell and back. She broke herself into tiny pieces and now _she was_ - still broken. She went here to find herself and she found nothing.

Not even him.

"They died." He scoffed. Died was the wrong word. "They were killed."

His voice was deep laced with a gloom she did not know he had. She swallowed hard while her fingers gripped at the couch. She should not have asked; she was as clumsy as ever.

Kouga knew he should not say anything - he should not even have begin this conversation. He should have lied, should have said there were somewhere in the world but - she took him by surprise. She was not supposed to be here, she was not supposed to be alive. Nobody talked about his past because nobody knew the truth about him. She knew him then and she knew - she knew his relationship with Ginta and Hakkaku. When was the last time he heard their names? He felt his grasp around his glass tightened, the feeble glass ready to give up under his tight grip. _Their names_. It reminded him of their gruesome deaths.

Of all that happened.

He did not say another word. He finished his glass _again_. She let her sigh out and then, let her head drop completely until it touched his shoulder. Again, he stiffened but this time, he let his body relax after a moment. She felt him shift his head until he was probably looking at her. His warm breathe puffed against his hair and she shivered for a second.

_He was glad_. She got out at the right time. She managed to have a happy life - she sounded happy. He remembered some of her words through the haze of alcohol. She mentioned school, work, travels and a _boyfriend_? Maybe. He was not sure. Five hundred years ago he was sure he was the perfect one for her. Now he was glad she found someone that was not him.

"Do you have a bathroom?"

"Nah I pee outside."

She blinked. She could not tell; was he serious? She should not have closed her eyes; it made it all worse. Her head was heavy, her mind was a bit fuzzy and tiredness was creeping over. The injury from earlier along with her extreme tiredness was not helping either. _Sleep_. Sleep would be good. No, bathroom first. Wait, did he pee outside for real?

"I'm kidding," he said as he bumped into her, shaking her head. "It's to your left."

She nodded before forcing her eyes opened. Kagome dragged her ass across the leather before putting her feet down to the ground. She lifted herself in one swift motion, thinking she would stand on stable feet; she was wrong. Instead, she found herself leaning to the left and her eyes opened wide in panic. She braced herself for the impact, knowing more pain was coming her way. Fortunately for her, she never met the ground. Instead, a strong body was pressed against hers while sturdy arms held her up.

"And I think someone had too much to drink."

"Not my fault you're a drunk."

She meant it as a joke, he knew that; the teasing was obvious in her voice. But - he did not take it that way. _Drunk_. He was a drunk. He had no phone, no friends, no family. What else should he spend his money on? It did make him a drunk. Honestly what else was he supposed to do all day long? Reminisce about the good old days? The days where everyone died, where he lost his friends and they died in his arms? Maybe he should think about the wars, the time he was captive, the torture? Perhaps that would make his days better. No, alcohol was the answer. It never let him forget but it numbed him out.

It let him live until the end.

Because he could not take his own life. Not after what his people sacrificed. He would never forgive himself. His punishment was living.

"Come on," he said as he pushed her back on her feet. "You're gonna lay down."

"I don't sleep here. I have a hotel," she pointed out. She already extended her stay and she was not about to impose on his life.

"And whatcha gonna do? Walk back there? Drunk?"

He had a point. "Sorry."

"Kagome," he reprimanded. "It might have been five hundred years but you're still pack." Honor; it kept him going. He was not about to go back on his promises. Also, he was not able to save anyone. He watched them all die. Her current situation might not be as serious but she needed help and he was not about to turn her around.

"Immana take the couch," she said as he tried to move her to another room.

"You're not taking the couch."

"Yes I am."

He touched her when he first saw her. He forgot all about it and he wrapped his arms around her because in that moment he had seen a ghost. It allowed him to forget about the rest. Not anymore. Now he was aware of her body and his. He did remember how stubborn she was and he feared she was not leaving him with many options. He took a deep breathe and snuck his arms around her knees, lifting her from the ground. Panic ran through her drunken mind and she latched on to him as though she was about to crash upon the floor.

"I ain't gonna drop you," he said, almost insulted.

But her head remained buried in his chest and she refused to let go of his shirt. It was not until he stopped moving that she dared to move her head. She glanced around, noticing that they were in a completely different room. _His bedroom_. It was simple; a double bed covered in a dark green comforter, two pillows, a dresser and a bedside table. That was it. Nothing else, nothing warm, nothing to personalize it. Gently, he laid her down on the bed and she let him. As a matter of fact she took advantage of that opportunity to stare at him. The Kouga she knew was a wild, young boy with a puppy crush on her. _This Kouga_ was a man. He was tall, strong, no longer lean but muscular and large instead. His face was covered in scars, scars she did not dare to ask about, while his eyes spoke darkness and history. And the hair. There was grey in his hair. He was a _real_ man, a dangerous one.

One she should be scared of but she was not. Instead, the sight of him send her insides coiling. Hojo, the only man she knew, was a boy, sweet and pure and joyful. He touched her lightly, he was slow, he was kind. And none of that did it for her. It did nothing to feed the void in her, it did nothing to take away the pain. It only made her heart soar in pain. But Kouga. _Kouga was - _he was like her.

That was the look in his eyes. He was broken.

"You can sleep here," she mumbled against the blanket.

She was sending signals she did not know she was emitting. He knew the smell of his house and that spicy, vanilla scent? It was coming from her, it was coming from her warm core; she was aroused. And asking him to sleep in the same bed as her.

"I'm taking the couch."

He did not even glance at her again. He left the room and headed straight to the living room. He walked like a robot, his movement stiff and his eyes empty. He dropped his body on the couch and stared at the ceiling. _He was not going to fuck her_. He was not going to touch her. He did not want her to touch him. When he left her in the bedroom he saw it; the sadness in her eyes. But despite how she might feel, she was not broken. She was good, she was Kagome. She got everything. Or at least he thought she did. The conversation was fuzzy. Why was she aroused by him?

It did not matter.

He did not want her hands on him. He did not want to feel another being touch him and he certainly did not want her to see the mess that was his body. She was good, too good. And he was nothing.

The couch was fine. Nobody should sleep on it but it was not a problem.

It was not as though he slept. Awake was better.

The night and the slumber brought forth nightmares.

He could not handle the nightmares.

-M-


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: CHAPTER 2 AGAIN? **Yes. I know some of you wondered where it disappeared to - and I'm sorry. I wasn't please with it and I couldn't keep it up. It had been written for a while but I don't know, re-reading it, it didn't feel right with me. So it's 70% ? the same. But I added a few things and changed up others.

So here we go again for chapter 2!

**M.I.A**

**2. Road to Hell**

_She was dead_.

There were no other explanation for the extreme pounding inside of her head. She tore her face away from the pillow, removing her cheek from the wetness she left behind. _Ugh, drool_. She wiped the corner of her mouth while keeping her eyes shut; _she could not open them_. There was a buzzing in her mind and the more she moved, the worse she felt. Her stomach was churned, the content of it ready to come back out. _Oh god_. Her throat burned, the bile rising up. Kagome's body was tangled with brown sheets, leaving her stuck, confused and somewhat panicked. She tried to find the edge of the bed but unfortunately for her, her bearings were out of balance. Instead of hanging her head off the edge, she completely rolled off.

_And thud_. She landed on the floor, her left arm receiving most of the shock. Her head began to spin and the vomit rose up to her mouth. Her cheeks swelled and her mouth became filled with the disgusting remnants of her last meal. She struggled to make it on all four, the room around her refusing to remain still. She dragged herself across the floor, her eyes squinted. There was not that much light but it was already too intense for her poor little eyes and her hangover brain. She blindly moved around, hoping that she would eventually find the exit. She did not remember the layout of the room and frankly she did not remember what_ anything looked like_.

Somewhere in the background, she heard a similar thud. Did she drop something? No, no it sounded like someone hoped on their feet.

"Kagome?" The word came out like a harsh breathe.

_Kouga_. She forced her head backwards and tried to look at him. She peeped, seeing his shape through the bright _so fucking_ bright light. His fists were clenched by his sides. "_Bathroom_," she slurred out, trying to keep the content of her stomach _inside_ her mouth.

There was a sigh of relief, then she heard a small chuckle and she wanted to be mad at him but could not find the strength to do it at that precise moment. _Later_. A hand gently wrapped itself around her wrist and she felt him tug her upwards. She landed on her feet, leaning forward, and he kept her steady. Once she was stable, he pushed her in the right direction and she left as fast as her wobbly legs allowed her. He peeked his head through the door opening, just in case. The door slammed and he winced as he heard her loudly drop to the ground. _Then the vomiting _came. Though even if he retracted back into the bedroom he could loudly hear it, meaning there was no escaping it.

Kagome felt like she was wringing her insides as burning, chunky liquid kept coming out of her mouth. She heaved, she cried, but nothing stopped the nightmare from happening. She clutched her tiny, trembling digits around the porcelain white toilet. She wanted to prevent the split ends of her hair from dipping into the disgusting water but she could not. Pulling her hair away meant letting go of the toilet and she knew for a fact that she could not do it. She rested her cheek against the bowl and it felt _cold_. She needed cold; her entire face was on fire and she could feel the sweat dripping down her neck.

After what felt forever, her stomach finally settled down.

She did not drink much in the past and ever since she began traveling she put it aside. She did not want to be a _drunk_ girl traveling alone. She had a few drinks once in a while in her hotel room but that was it. Except for that, it was all alcohol free since - many years ago. Perhaps she went overboard during the previous night. She ran her fingers through her sweaty bangs, pushing them to the side. That was it, no more alcohol. She grabbed the edge of the bath and lifted herself up. Her stomach swirled but she knew she would not throw up again. _Though_ there had to be something she could do about her pounding headache, right?

Kagome grazed the walls as she tried to remember her way to the kitchen. It was the only room she remembered clearly from yesterday. After a while, she reached it and found that it was _shiny_. She shielded her eyes with her hand and moved over to a wooden chair. She plopped down and then hid her face in her arms.

"Rough morning?" he teased.

"How are you alive?" she whined.

"I've had a lot of fucking practice." He cleared his throat and then, slid a glass across the table. It bumped her arm but she did not lift her head. "Drink this, it will help."

She groaned but moved her head anyway. Her eyes closed, she swung the drink to her lips and drank it in one shot, thinking she would obtain sweet relief. It was the opposite. As soon as the warm liquid made it's way down her throat she regretted it. _What the fuck_?

"Rum?"

"Fight the enemy with the enemy."

_She was going to be sick again_. She spat back what she could and then finally looked at him. He appeared to be as fresh as a daisy. He had a glass of his own in his hand and she guessed it was rum as well. How did he do it? It was - alright she did not know what time it was but she could guess by the dazzling sun that it was very early - too early to be alive and certainly too early to be drinking. He had his signature ponytail on but he was dressed differently than last night - unlike her. He had a pair of jeans on and a black t-shirt. He was sloshed across his chair like he was drinking water and enjoying his day.

If she thought _her morning_ was hell, she should have seen his morning.

_His left eye twitched as sounds pulled him out of his slumber. It was not really a slumber. It was more his usual three minutes nap. He sat up in his bed, panicked, and glanced left and right_. _It was at that moment that he remembered Kagome was sleeping over. He was not used to having company over. The only company he ever had never stayed the night. He threw his legs off the couch and hopped to his feet. Quietly, he headed in direction of his bedroom, trying to make sense of the noises. Was she hurt? Was she having a bad dream? Once he reached the door, he quietly opened it, making sure not to wake her in the process. Inside, he found Kagome laying on her back, her entire body spread across the bed._

_But he could not simply walk out of the room and leave her be. No, he could not. Because there was a little sound coming from her; moans. And she was not in pain. _

_The spiciness from earlier was present but this time around it was more intense. He felt a twinge in his chest and then guilt settled in; this was not right. He should not stay for this. _

_"Kou-ga."_

_His ears twitched and he froze in his step. He could not move, he could not leave so he stood there with the door in his hand and exhaled. That was his name right? She just said his name. No, he should stick to his initial plan; he had to leave because it was her own privacy and it had nothing to do with him. Alright, it seemed to have a little bit to do with him…but it was a bad plan altogether. His same arguments as before stood and they would never waver. Kagome was good, too good for him and he would not go near her. Her presence simply brought back long lost, buried feelings._

_"Mmhmm."_

_She moved, her hand smacking against her stomach and sliding around. Alright, he had to leave. He was exhaling through his nostrils, forcing them to flare. One second? Would one second kill him? It was too late. The thought ran through his mind and now he was already kneeling beside the bed. And it was as if she knew he was there because she turned to her side, her face ending up close to his. "Mhmm."_

_He closed his eyes, resting his head along the side of the bed. There was a softness and quietness surrounding her and it spread through him. It was never quiet in his head; there were always the whispers of the past that refused to leave him alone. But not when he was near her. _

_"Kouga_."

_Again with his fucking name. He groaned and opened his eyes again. Her lips were parted, her warm breath tickling him, and there was a slight shake of her hips. Alright. He jumped to his feet like a scared deer and actually sped out of the room. Once he was on the other side, he pressed his back to the door and inhaled slowly. He did not control his emotions the way he used to - now they overwhelmed him. He stared down at his hands and noticed the shaking. He clenched them into fists and pulled himself from the door. _

_He could not have her_.

He shook his head at the memory and chose to focus on something _other_ than her moans.

"Then how 'bout some aspirins and a damn good greasy breakfast?"

"That actually sounds a lot better."

He was not one to use _pills_ but he kept them around. He used them in his garden to keep away infections so that he might keep his flowers, plants and food healthy. He was a wolf - a carnivore - and enjoyed meat but that meant either hunting or money. He avoided civilization as much as he could and thus he lived on some money he gathered along the way and the odd jobs. He kept some of his money for alcohol, the rest for food. If he could grow some of his food, it saved him a bit of cash. And that was how he got used to eating fruits and vegetables - it was a whole lot cheaper. _And it sucked_. Sometimes he splurged, got himself some bacons, some eggs and other things.

Kagome was a good excuse to use them.

He rushed to the bathroom and then, retrieved two aspirins for her. He came back to the kitchen and dropped them on the table. She thanked him with a nod and he headed towards his fridge. "Eggs and bacon?"

"I'm not huge on bacon. But today? Yes."

Kouga smirked while he got everything out and laid it out on the counter. Meanwhile, Kagome took the aspirins and shoved them in her mouth. She had three choices; ask him for water, down them with the spat out rum or try to swallow them with nothing. Nothing it was. She filled her mouth with spit and then swallowed them. She winced, forced them down and then finally let out a sigh. Hopefully they were magically instantaneous pills if not, she would not make it through the day. Considering how well Kouga was doing on his alcohol remedy, she was almost tempted to try it but she knew better.

She laid her head on the table and waited while the bacon and eggs sizzled away. Moments later, he set a plate in front of her and the scent of food filled her nostrils. She did not know if she was hungry or sick; time to find out. Usually she would not want to put food in her stomach so quickly after throwing up but at this point she felt it was the only thing that might help settled her bad stomach. She picked up the fork and shoved some food in. She chewed, swallowed and then waited a few seconds. _It was fine_. As she kept eating, Kouga sat down beside her and began eating his own breakfast, his glass of rum right by his side.

He could handle his alcohol well. He drank last night, he drank this morning. It was there on her mind but she did not want to say it out loud. Maybe it was a phase, maybe he was having a bad week. She did not know his whole life. She got bits and pieces of his pasts but nothing else - nothing concrete.

"Where's your hotel?"

"Apparently, I don't even know," she said with a smile.

He chuckled. "I'm guessing it's the crappy hotel outside of the woods?"

She nodded. "I didn't wanna splurge, it's been a long trip."

"When are you going home?"

"I don't know. I was waiting 'til I ran out of money."

"That's one way to go about it."

"I figured once that happens… I'll have to go home. No more excuses." A useless trip. She spent what little money she had and got nothing in return. What did she learn? What did she figure out? Absolutely nothing. It was pointless and now - she would have to go home and face the consequences of her actions. She did not know what she wanted to do with her life. She had no goals, no dreams. Why couldn't she have an epiphany or something?

"Stay here."

She blinked. "What?"

"Stay here," he repeated as he put his metal fork down. "Way cheaper than a hotel." He enjoyed his privacy, he liked being alone but - this was not some human, this was Kagome. Plus, she helped him and his pack in times of need and now, she was the one who needed something. It was clear that she had no desire to go home yet. She talked brightly and happily about her trip but he could smell the disappointment. She did not get what she set out to obtain. He could do this _for_ her. He could let her stay.

He could handle it. He proved it last night when he walked away. Plus he already knew he did not deserve her.

"In your house?" she asked, baffled. He had been welcoming but she did not want to extent her stay. Kouga had been quite rude until he figured out who she was which led her to believe he was not a fan of people. That was a complete turn around from what he used to be. But she had no intention of commenting on it. "Are you sure? I mean, my hotel is fine."

"Is that all you have?" he asked while gesturing to her backpack.

She nodded.

"Do you need to go back there for anything?"

"No. They have my credit card on file."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Then fuck it; stay."

"Kouga -"

"It's fine. I'm always alone. Plus, I'm sure we got a lot of catching up to do." He almost winced at his own words. He did not want to _share_ what he had been doing during all those years. He did not mind hearing about _her_ stuff but - there was no need to let her know about his past. "Unless your boyfriend is waiting for ya?"

"Boyfriend?" she asked with her eyebrows furrowed.

He nodded. "Didn't ya say you had one?"

"So maybe _you were_ a little tipsy," she replied with a smile. "I said _ex-_boyfriend."

That did explain why he smelled her arousal last night - and the dream. Although he knew it was flux - she did not want him. She had no desire to be with him five hundred years ago and that had not changed. Especially considering what he was now. Even the simple fact of keeping her around was bad but - she needed somewhere to stay and… he wanted to look at her… just a bit longer. She was a nice refreshing memory of when things used to be good. She was pure, precious and kind. He wanted to hold on to that for a while. He knew how it would end; more destructive than it began. But it hardly mattered. He could not be more fucked up than he already was.

"_Trust me_ nothing to go back to."

"You mean nobody's speeding around, trying to shove flowers in your face and screaming from mountain tops?"

"Nah. Well, there was that one idiot but _he stopped_."

"I'm sure he was a handsome idiot."

It was flirting - _almost_. Almost because she would never want to go down that road despite the arousal he smelled last night. _And_ he would not either. Can't really fuck someone when you don't want them to touch you. Kagome was precious, a jewel. He would ruin her. He would destroy her and she did not need that. He did not need that. But he needed her presence, a moment to act as though nothing happened. He was good at pretending. He had years to perfect that little trick.

"Meh."

He grinned and she smiled back at him.

This was easy. She could talk to him, she could tease him. She could not even do that in the past - not without fear that she might encourage unwanted attentions. That was no longer the case. First, he appeared completely disinterested in her that way - she remembered asking him to share the bed - and second of all, _there was something about him_. He was everything at once. The past, the answer, the soothing feeling she went searching for - and he had life here. She could not even dream about having a life that made sense to her but he figured it all out. She wanted to suck the answers out of him. Perhaps it was a good idea to stay here with him.

Because once her trip was over, she would go back to that life. The thing that was her life now. And she wanted to know how much of a life she needed to fake. Would any of it be real?

"I'll stay."

For a moment, he was slightly distracted. That spicy vanilla scent was there again. She was aroused? He did not say anything that would provoke that reaction. Was he mistaken? Was it not a representation of her arousal?

"Good."

"But I am gonna need a good shower."

"There's a river nearby." Her eyes narrowed and he smirked. "Or you know a shower inside."

There was something about the way his lips tugged that forced a own smile on her face. "I'll go for the shower."

"_Cold_ shower."

She popped her lips. "Shower anyway." She experienced the wilderness enough. Cold or not, she wanted modern plumbing.

"There are towels in there. You remember where it is?"

"The place where I threw up my life? Yes, I have a vague memory."

He chortled and it shifted something inside of her; it was deep, sending chills down her spine. She tossed a smile his way and then dropped her fork in her empty plate. At least the food was staying down and it was more than she could have asked for at the moment. She was about to get up and wash her dish when he stopped her by getting up. "It's fine, I'll take care of it."

"Kouga -"

"I said I'll take care of it."

Kagome wanted to argue with him but the look in his eyes did not leave much for room for argumentation. She let a small sigh slip her before dropping her plate on the table. "Thank you." Her fingers brushed up against his arm but it was too brief for her to notice how he stilled.

He offered her a nod and she forced a smile. She was not raised this way; she did not like letting someone else do things for her. He was offering her a place to stay, he was giving her food, cleaning up after her… and she even had his bed. None of it was fair. Perhaps she could buy him some groceries? She noticed he did not have much. Although before she did that, she needed to know her way around this damn forest. There was no way she was getting lost again. She might not find her way back to his house again.

She stole a glance at him, watching the way his shoulders remained stiff. He was always on alert, keeping a distance from her. He used to be all over her and now, he touched her when he had to. At least it was the impression he was giving her. What happened to him? Why so many scars?

She shook her head, telling herself it was none of her business.

Plus, she had a cold shower to take.

-M-

The rest of the day went by quite uneventfully. Kouga decided to take advantage of the sun, and showed her around his house. She had a chance to see his gardens and she saw a hint of his wolves. There were a few of them but they did not get too close. She wondered if it was because they disliked humans or Kouga kept them at bay. After that she got a proper tour of his house. It was slightly awkward, especially since he did not have any attachment to anything in his house. It was there because it had to be there not because he wanted it there. But she made sure to not comment on it.

Afterwards, it was slightly complicated to find another activity. There was not even a TV in his house. She was convinced it was part of the basic utilities but not in his world. After a while, they settled down on the couch and they began talking again. She was unable to get a lot of word outs of him but she did learn that he had built his house 30 years ago. Although how people around him did not notice how he aged up, she did not know. Then again, he did not seem like he got out much so that probably helped him not blow up his cover.

The entire time Kouga sipped a drink. He did not offer her one again but when he finished rum bottle, and came pack with vodka, he brought a few glasses along. Were they all for him or not? Drinking two days in a row? Were they celebrating something she was not aware of? Then again, she was in no position to judge his lifestyle. She did not make the best decisions and right now everything about her was a mess. Maybe he was going through a rough patch and he needed this. Maybe he even felt awkward because she was not joining him in drinking. Alcohol? After the way she threw up? Maybe a glass or two?

She sighed, resigning herself before bending forward and grabbing the bottle. She slowly poured some in a glass and then, rested her back against the couch again. She could feel him _staring_ at him but she refused to peek his way. Instead, she focused on getting the first sip over with. At first she expected to wince and scrounge up her nose but none of that happened. As the alcohol settled down her throat, it actually _filled_ her. Alright, it was not nearly as bad as she thought it would be. She let her shoulders relax and leaned further into the comfortable cushion.

It was at that moment that Kouga got up and her eyes followed him as he exited the room. Did he leave because she took some of his alcohol? Surely she could not have misinterpreted his intentions…right? Her heart raced for a moment until he popped back in. When he came into view, there was a bottle of vodka in his hands. _Oh_.

"Want some more?" She did not want to be the one to finish the bottle.

He watched her, her long legs stretched across the table, her arms close to her body, pushing her chest out while her long locks surrounded her face. Her jeans were tight, moulding her curves and her hips while her simple t-shirt was enough to give him a hint of cleavage while remaining modest. And then there was that nearly empty bottle dangling from her hand. He took long strides all the way to the couch and plopped down beside her, leaving space between their bodies. He reached out for the bottle, his body hovering over hers but never making contact, and he took a long gulp. It burned down his throat, just the way he liked it and then, put the bottle on the table, right beside the other one.

Alright. Apparently they had another bottle to get through. She gathered her courage and brought her glass to her lips, letting the liquid squish around her mouth before swallowing her gulp.

"Decent lunch," she said with a smirk.

He chuckled. "As good as any."

Those eggs and bacon were good though. Where did he got those anyway? "So, there are grocery stores in the forest?"

"Smart ass. There is a town nearby."

"Hard to tell with the way you isolate yourself."

"Towns are too loud."

That she could understand. Sometimes the sounds of civilizations bothered her and she did not have a sensitive hearing. Still, she thought it was just an excuse to explain why he was so far from every living person.

"Your wolves don't come inside?"

"Sometimes." They were wild animals. They preferred the outside - but sometimes they came to him. He was their alpha. _Alpha_. He hated that word, he did not want to be anyone's alpha anymore. He left that life behind - hence why he did not live with other ookamis. Not that many of them were left alive anymore.

Was it her or the ambiance was slightly awkward? Was she imagining it? _Perhaps she did need another drink_.

Hours passed and though Kagome did her best to not drink too much, Kouga's tolerance won. Sometimes he talked and she did stare at him but it was difficult to focus. _How was this possible? _He began drinking before her! And she tried to keep herself under control. He drank over three bottles by himself. Youkai or not - _this was crazy_. She kept her sips to a minimum but she managed to get drunk. At least he was talking more than before. Though at some point she did notice the conversations were superficial. Or perhaps it was because her drunken mind kept focusing on his scars. There was no explanation for them. She managed to keep her eyes locked with his most of the time…but sometimes it slipped her. Her glance would shift from one scar to another, trying to figure out the mystery behind them.

"Why isn't there youkais anymore?"

Kouga arched an eyebrow, his face hidden by his glass. It was the question he did not want her to ask. That and _where's Inuyasha_.

"Humans didn't like them."

The sound of his voice made her shiver. From his tone alone, she could guess what he meant by those words. _Humans_ were the reason why there were not many youkais around? She assumed they did lessen in numbers but that the rest of them hid amongst humans to spend the rest of their lives quietly. Her mind made a terrible association with the scars on his body and it took all of her self-control to not let her eyes fill with tears. _Did _humans do this to him? Kouga was strong, she saw him destroy humans, villages and yet humans were able to damage him this much? How? Her drunken mind supplied a lot of images and she was unable to chase them out of her head.

"Kouga -"

"It was a long time ago, Kagome." This time, his voice was different; it was cold. There was no longer that rich tone that tickled her from the inside.

Did she think he could not smell the scent of pity coming off of her? He did not want this. He swiped the bottle from the table and downed the rest of it. "I'm gonna get another one."

His grip on the neck of the bottle forced the glass to break but it did not shatter. It simply cracked around his fingers. _He needed to shut his mouth_. Maybe the whole living situation was the worst idea he could have had. He roamed his fingers through the bottles and picked one. He opened it, poured some in his mouth and then headed back to the living room. He had to admit, she gave him a run for his money. He always drank but never this much back to back. Even he could feel the slight tingle in his fingers. At this point, Kagome was probably _drunk_. Second night he got her drunk.

She trusted him too much.

He sat back down beside her, leaving even more space between them than before.

She leaned forward, reaching out for her glass - because he got glasses after a while - and plopped back down. Unfortunately for her, the glass was full. Her semi drunken state caused her to overspill a part of her drink all over her black pants. As soon as she felt the cold liquid spread and wet her skin through the pants, she groaned. _Great_. Because she had _so many clothes_ with her and she could afford to ruin a pair. She put the glass back down and turned to Kouga.

"Sorry, I hope I didn't ruin your couch."

"It's fine, do you need something? Like a cloth?"

"Nah, I'll just change pants."

She got up while gripping the edge of the couch and took a few seconds to keep herself steady. _Getting up after getting drunk_? Bad idea. Her head began to swirl while she headed towards the bedroom. She clutched the wall, dragging her fingers along to make sure she would not fall on her ass. As soon as she got into the bedroom, she sat down on the bed to take off her pants. She tugged, she struggled, but after falling on the bed, she managed to kick them off her legs. Once she sat back up again, she took a deep breathe, putting her hands to her head. _God_ would this dizziness ever stop?

Kagome opened her eyes fully searching for her other pants. _Oh fuck_. Her bag was not in here. She left it in the living room after her shower. She sighed, annoyed and lifted herself up again. She dragged her feet along the floor and then peeked out. For a moment, it was difficult to remember the way back. Did she really drink that much? She advanced slowly until she was done with the hall and back in the living room. And then, at that instant, as the cold air wrapped around her legs, she realized something; she was in her black underwear.

A shriek past her lips and her first instinct was to run. Except running was about the worst idea. Instead of spinning around and heading towards the bedroom, she ended up stepping on her own feet. As she felt herself fall backwards, her shaky hands reached out for anything they could and they _did_ find something; fabric. And she tugged like hell. She hit the ground, wincing in pain while something heavy fell on top of her. She groaned as she felt like her lungs were crushed. She managed to open her eyes slightly and found herself staring right into Kouga's face. His eyes were hard and his hands were crisp by her sides.

"K-kouga?"

The thing to ask was if she _was_ okay but she did not trust the expression in his eyes. His entire body was stiffed and his jaw was clenched. She raised a hand, hovering over his face but never touching it. Though his body was hard, he was close, so close that she could feel his breathe tickling her lips. A heat formed in her stomach and her thighs clenched for a second. She tilted her head upwards, her chin dipping up but she hesitated. She licked her lips, the heat of her face rising as she dared to inch up to his lips. And then, she pressed them against his. His biceps bulged besides her as she worked her mouth on his. Her whole body was numb from the alcohol, giving her an edge and courage she would not have without it.

After a few seconds, she nearly regretted her gesture. He did not return it, he did not move. Worst of all; the tension in his body was increasing by the second.

Then, it all changed. Despite the clenched jaw, he began to move his lips against hers, lighting a fire in her loins. His gestures were rough, possessive and dominant. A tongue lapping at her, a fang nibbling her bottom lip. _She was right_. He was what she needed. What she wanted. A hard length pressed into her leg and she thrusted forward. She moaned in his mouth and let her tongue swipe across the seam of his lips. He parted them and she took advantage of the opportunity. Her hands itched by her sides and she finally did; she put them on each side of his face and deepened the kiss, her tongue twirling with his while she pushed her breasts to his rigid chest.

And then, when she thought he was about to put his hands on her, he instead tore his lips from hers.

"I'm s-s-orry."

She furrowed her eyebrows as he lifted himself from on top of her. She saw him struggling to his feet and before she could even stop him, he made a run for the bathroom. She pushed herself up to a sitting position and stared at the emptiness in front of her. She did not mean to _kiss_ him - it happened and now… now she did something she apparently could not take back. A sigh past her lips as she fell flat on the ground. Would she be able to pretend that she did not remember? It had been going well - and she ruined it. _Stupid, stupid_.

Meanwhile Kouga closed the door of the bathroom, making sure to not let it slammed. He did not want her know or see what he was. What he had become. His hands trembled and he gripped the sink in an attempt to stop their shaking. His thoughts were filled with memories he did not want and now, he had new ones to add to the list; her lips, her hands, her soft touch. He wished that was his only problem. Except, he was _hard_. She had only kissed him, barely touched him, and he was hard. His cock pressed against his jeans and he cursed himself out loud. It was not like he was a monk, he did partake in the pleasure of the flesh sometimes.

A girl out there in town. Not a resident of the town - no, never. Simply someone passing through. It went according to very specific rules but it was enough to lessen the building desire inside of his chest. It was quick and it was to get rid of the effects of - _what happened to him_. It happened out of the blues. His thoughts would centre and he would have this urge, one he needed to take care of. And he did. But not with girls that were Kagome. Not with Kagome. He was undeserving and she was flawless. He could not speak of this again and he would not let it happen a second time.

He turned on the faucet, listening to the water flow in the hopes that it would calm him down. He closed his eyes, focusing on his heartbeat and doing his best to slow it down. _It was okay_. He was okay. _She was okay_.

Memories flooded his mind and his forehead crunched up.

_His body was weak and numbed out, the cold air wrapping around his body and spreading a shiver down his spine. He could not even muster the strength to open his eyes and there was a vivid pounding in his head. He tried to lick his lips but his mouth felt like cotton. There was a warmth trickling down his arm - blood_. _At least his nose remained functional. The same thing could not be said about the rest of his body. He tried to move his limbs but they remained still. Why could he not move his body? To add to his worries, blood was not the only scent filling his nose. The putrid aroma of death was circling him and he was almost glad he could not open his eyes. He knew his pack member by scent, not by sight._

_And the scents - they crushed his heart._

_Suddenly, there were sounds filling the vicinity. He heard the footsteps and his body stiffened; he could not recognize the scent or the aura. Who was this stranger? Before he could try to identify the intruder, a gaps was forced out of his lungs. There was a pressure on his chest; a foot. Someone was pushing all of their weight on him. _

_"Time to play, beast."_

Then he snapped. Before he could exhale, he smashed his fist against the mirror, shattering it into pieces. Luckily for him, the sound of the water toned down most of the noise. He pulled his hand away, blood dripping down his hand while shards remained embedded in his skin. _Fuck_. This was it. This was the pain he needed to focus on every time he felt a desire pulsing through his blood. He had to associate his attraction to her with something _bad_. Pain was bad. Sleeping with her was bad.

Kagome represented a forbidden road.

-M-


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Short night, long morning. There might be a few wonky sentences, I'm sorry! But thanks for the reviews :)

**M.I.A**

**Chapter 3: Eve of Destruction**

Deep slumber was interrupted when a door creaked. Panic rushed through Kagome's blood as she forced her eyes open, temporarily forgetting her location. She took in her surroundings, her heart pounding the entire time. Once she recognized Kouga's living room, she breathed a little easier and brought a hand to her head. _Good, would that hammering every stop_? At least she did not feel like throwing up this time around. Feet stomping around in another room brought her out of her thoughts and she forced herself in a sitting position. Kagome waited a moment for the dizziness to subdue and then she pushed herself up to her feet.

_Kouga_.

He left.

She had waited for him, but - after all that alcohol, it had been impossible to remain awake. She did not even have any recollection of him actually leaving the bathroom. She heard a bit of a commotion happening in there and she had not dared to interrupt. Plus, he had turned her down. It was not like she planned on kissing him. She simply needed to tell him it was all a mistake - a drunk mistake - and things would return to… _well_ they were never quite good. It was two days. They hung out of two days. Things could not go back to normal; they did not have a normal to go back to…

Kagome sighed, her lips pursing, and she tried to find the courage to walk up to him. He probably knew by now that she was awake; there was no point in being quiet. She took quick steps until she reached the kitchen, but what she found was not what she expected. Kouga had an arm drape over the refrigerator's door while he was bent over, looking inside. _Except he was shirtless_. She might have thought he had some scars on his face, but his back? Some of the wounds were deep, the flesh caving in, never quite forming right even after healing. It was like someone whipped his back until the flesh hung loose, until the gash were so inward that there was no hope for them to ever close again.

Horrified, she brought a hand to her lips and the little gasp that slipped her was what gave her away.

He turned his head to the side like a deer who heard the ruffling of the leaves. Once he stopped her, he closed the door and walked away from the fridge. Doing so allowed her to see that his chest was covered in the same kind of scars and this time, her eyelids lowered in pity while the corners of her mouth shifted downwards. As soon as he saw that _look_ in her eyes, his hands shifted and he grabbed back his white t-shirt. He quickly slipped it back on, despite the fact that the damages were done. _She was here_. He thought - he thought she might be asleep or gone? He did not know what he expected.

Kouga knew he had to get out of the house and he did. There was that little bar down the road, the one where he got his _occasional _hookup. He waited until she fell asleep and he went there. He figured she would wake up from her slumber and leave. And he did not want to be there for it. Instead, he wasted some of his money on drinks - even though he had a good reserve of alcohol at home. Home was not home because someone else was there, throwing a wrench through his life habits. He limited his contacts with people, but her? It was hard to stay away.

"Hm, listen."

Kagome heard his words, but instead her eyes focused on something _red_ on his collar. At first, it looked like a blotch of blood, but as she narrowed her eyes, she noticed it was something else; _lipstick. _He had - lip…stick on his collar. Huh. Well, that explained where he went or the odor of booze and cigarettes. He did smell more like alcohol than before. As the realization of what he did fully sunk in, she felt her stomach coiled. He ran from her and then went and found someone to have sex with. Was kissing her that awful? How many times would she have to tell him it was an accident? He did not have to run from his own house…

"It's fine," she dismissed with a gesture of the hand. "It was my fault - I - I was drunk."

Her f-ault? And why in the word was she so _pissed_ off? Her face looked somewhat serene, but her aura was bursting around her like angry waves. Something was making her quite upset, but he could not figure it out. She had been staring at him an awful lot… maybe it had something to do with him? It was not the scars. No, when she saw them it was pity that radiated from her, not rage.

"I, hm," she cleared her throat. "I thought about it, and hm, if you just wanna tell me the _right_ way out," she forced a chuckle, "I'll be out of your hair."

She - she wanted to go back to the hotel? He acted awkwardly around her and there was no good explanation to cover up what he did. Perhaps if she left it would be best for her. He was no good for her, he could not have her. In the past maybe, but this Kouga could not come near her. If she left, there would be no more temptation and there would be no chance for him to hurt her. She had time to walk away and be better than this. He wanted that for her - he wanted more than this broken life.

But yet, as it was time to speak, none of the words he should have said made it to his throat. Instead, there was a roaring in his chest, a demanding snarl that asked he kept her there. _But he should not_.

There was no reaction, he remained there, staring at her. Kagome's cheeks swelled and she let out a breath before turning around. Why should he stop her? Why should he not let her go? They had not been a part of each other's lives for over five hundred years. A few drinking nights together did not make them friends. A _screwed_ _up_, drunk kiss, did not make them _anything_. She did not even know why she was upset about this. _No_, she was not upset - there was nothing to be upset about. She accidentally crossed a line which helped them realize how awkward all of this was and now it was over. It was as simple as that.

A gush of wind blew her hair and before she could inhale, she was pressed against the wooden wall, the air forcefully pushed out of her lungs. She dared to tilt her chin up and she found herself staring into deep blue eyes. His body was near her, his shirt threatening to touch hers while the palm of his hand was firmly planted on the wall, right above her head. She saw the twitching of his jaw while he tightened it and remained voiceless. His whole body twitched and for the first time, she felt the feel of his aura as it flickered against her, almost challenging her.

He fucked up.

He did not mean to grab her and corner her. It happened too fast; he saw her walk out and his mind revved for an answer. This was it - but it was the wrong one.

Kouga could sense the fear swirling inside of her, the uncertainty that danced in her eyes. He was _threatening_ her while he did not even mean to do it. He took a deep breath, forcing the air through his nostrils, and then he pulled away from her, his arms hanging into the emptiness. He took a step back and swallowed the lump in his throat. Words. That was what he needed to use; not actions. Although, it was not much help since he was not good with either.

"I'm sorry I ran out," he croaked out. He did not owe her anything; not an explanation, not an apology. Yet, he was giving her one. "I was drunk and I freaked out." He smoothed the skin of his forehead and mumbled a curse. Wrong word choice.

He freaked out? "Freaked out about the kiss?" She popped her lips. "It was an accident. I was drunk. But I'm glad you found a way to _un_ freak out."

Her words left a haze of mystery that forced him to follow her line of sight. As he did so, he understood the source of her earlier state of distress. There was fucking lipstick on his collar. _Fuck_. How did he miss that? And now she had the completely wrong idea about what took place. Yes, he often did partake in the pleasure of the flesh at that particular location - but not last night._ Yes_, he did intend on doing that, but it did not happen. He wanted it to happen and then, at the last minute, his conscience showed up.

_Her lips were on his neck, her blunt teeth raking down his neck. It could barely feel it - and it was not because the alcohol had numbed him out. Yet he remained because there was a dying desire inside of him and he felt the obligation to fulfill it. Plus, if he did this, it would take his mind off Kagome and it would chase away the memory of her lips. He could not hold on to that because she could never be his. She was not as broken as she thought and there was hope for her. There was no hope for him. This was it; this was his life. He had accepted his situation a long time ago and nothing was going to change._

_The feel of the girl's hands gliding down his chest pulled him out of her his thoughts. He grabbed them and pushed them to the side, but she did not seem to understand. Instead, she lowered herself, dropping down to her knees. He watched her mass of hair, the light brown looks spilling all around her. She never even looked up at him; she was too busy battling his belt. And he did not care. Her name was a distant memory in his mind. He got the one information he needed from her and after that he tuned off; she was not from around here. He did not need a local girl tracking him down. All he was looking for was a one time thing. _

_He could already smell the dampness coming from between her legs and despite his lack of interest, his cock was pressing against his jeans. _

_Finally, she managed to unhook his belt and before he knew it, she was dragging his pants, and boxers, down to his knees. Cold hands wrapped around his cock and she pumped him while biting her bottom lip. Wasting no time, she shoved him in her mouth, allowing him to bask in the feel of the warmth. He grunted while she tried to push as much of his erection inside her mouth as possible and he let his hands go limp by his sides. He wanted to think of her, focus on the feel of her mouth, but none of it was possible - because where there was brown, there should be black and - and Kagome's mouth would feel differently. She would not be this direct, she would be shy and explore. Her lips would be plumper and moist and her tongue would be reticent. _

_Kagome's mouth would feel better. _

_And when he would look down, he would see those blue eyes looking at him, uncertain, and a cute blush on her cheeks. _

_But there was none of that._

_Fuck._

_At that point, he knew all hopes were lost. She ruined him. He put his hand on the girl's forehead and pushed her, his cock popping out of her mouth. Her knitted eyebrows informed him of her confusion, but he paid no attention to it. Instead, he tucked himself inside of his pants and then retrieved his wallet. His fingers brushed up the condoms as he picked up some money. He handed it to her and she looked at him with a surprised expression._

_"Go buy yourself a drink."_

_The way it sounded did not occur to him, but it did to her. She was not a fucking prostitute. She crumbled the money in her hand while he walked away from her. _

It did not end well, but he _did not fuck her_.

And she thought he did.

"I didn't."

"What you do or don't do is none of my business," she replied casually.

"But I didn't." He needed her to believe him - though he would not go as far as to explain to her that he _pictured_ her on her knees, giving him a blowjob. Or the way her tongue would feel, lapping at the head of his erection… and then he stared at her lips, those nice, red parted lips and he thought of them… pictured them wrapped around his cock…

_Fuck_.

Already he felt the need that rushed downwards and his penis swelled. He had to keep her gaze up; he could not let her see how twisted he actually was. It was a need he could never get rid of. Ever since things shifted, all his emotions went through this system. He was angry? He wanted to fuck. He was feeling the loneliness of the past? He would bury himself in between a nice pair of legs. It was easier. It re-directed the memories, the feelings, he never wanted to think about. It always took his mind off everything. Except - Kagome was not a pair of legs. She was Kagome and he could not use her like that.

"Well I didn't," he repeated.

There was something different about his tone; threatening. It was deep and it rumbled through her body, pulsing through her blood. There was a need coming from him; he wanted her to believe him. Why did it matter if she did or did not? Why did he care so much? _She did not want him to care_. And she wanted answers. Many questions burned her lips and her mind scrambled for answers, but found none.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, I told you."

She raised a hand, trying to keep it as steady as possible, and pressed it to his chest. He stiffened under her touch and she sucked a breath in. _He did not want her to touch him. _"What happened to you?"

He thought she might ask that eventually. Obviously seeing his scars sped up the process. But he did not have an answer for her. He did not want to shatter this idea she had, this concept of what life was. "Life happened," he breathed out.

There it was; for the first time, he let his guard down and she saw the hurt, the pain, that he tried to shield away from her. It flashed through his eyes and disappeared as quickly as it appeared. She wanted to reach out for his cheek and cup it, take the pain away, but she stopped herself. _He did not want her touching him_. She needed to keep repeating that over and over again.

"K-kouga."

"I don't need pity." He tried to keep his tone soft, but it was a tedious task. "I don't want it." His facade was slowly fading and he struggled with how to maintain the charade that was left.

She wanted him to let her in even though he had no reason to trust her. "K-kouga."

"It's fine." And then, he pulled away completely.

She was pressed against the wall while he walked away. She remained that way, panting, as she heard the sound of glass clinging. _He was taking alcohol_. In the morning. Again. She wanted to tell herself it was a flux, that it meant nothing, but she was wrong. She saw it now; the alcohol was a way for him to bury the pain. She could not quite judge because she was _traveling_ in the hopes of outrunning her problems, but it was not as damaging as his habits were. _Alcohol_, all the time. Youkai or not, it would kill him. Unless that was his ultimate goal… but she did not even want to consider that possibility.

Kagome gathered her courage and peeled herself off the wall. Once she walked into the living room, she found him by the alcohol cabinet, swinging by gulps of rum. She marched in his direction with a determined step. She wanted nothing more than to grab his shoulder and turn him around, but somehow she felt like that might not quite help the current situation. For some reason, he did not enjoy touching - and she was not going to push the issue. She wanted him to trust her and she wanted some answers out of it. She could not watch as he destroyed himself. It was not her life, none of her business, but it was who she was; she helped people.

No matter how screwed up she was herself.

"Kouga, put it down."

"There's more if you want some." Battling the evil with more evil. At this point, he did not know if he was hungover or it was just a constant numbness. Could he cure a hangover with more alcohol? He could not remember. Honestly, since Kagome's arrival his drinking had toned down. He had to keep up appearances. Although as he felt the flare of her aura, he knew it was all about to fall apart. He let himself slip when he panicked and left.

He should have stayed. Why didn't he stay?

Most of all, why did he invite her to stay?

Because he wanted her there. He wanted to feel the soothing effect of her presence.

He was that selfish.

He did not use to be.

_"I know that_."

He knew where this was going.

Kouga turned around, the bottle still to his lips. "I don't want it."

"The alcohol?"

"Your pity. I don't want it."

"Kouga, it's not like that."

He scoffed. "You think I haven't seen it before? I'm fine. I survived. _I'm a survivor_. The last thing I need is pity. It was in the past and it's over." He closed the distance between their bodies. "I'm fine, Kagome."

Since she made the conscious choice _not_ to touch him, her only other option was to gently grab the bottle from his hand. Despite the fact that her fingers were wrapped around the neck of it, he did not let go. His hand shook, trembling with stress, and he wanted to let go, but he did not. Kagome barely tugged, but she already knew how this would go down; he would not give it to her. He could not.

It was too much for him to handle; she was there, all the time. When was the last time he had to pretend everything was fine for such an extended period of time? It was cracking, the whole masquerade slipping from him and he did not know how to hold it back. He wanted to fall apart, he wanted to smash a hole through the nearest wall. He could not. Kagome thought he was something he was not and he needed to be that. He wanted to be that person for her. He inhaled deeply and then, finally released the bottle from his grip and Kagome took it from him.

_He did it_. He gave it to her.

She did not expect that.

Unprepared, she simply put it down on the coffee table behind her and focused her attention back on Kouga. His back was facing her as he kept his face away from her. Had she pushed too much? Should she back off and let him cool off? There was a desperate cry in his eyes that she had not been able to ignore earlier. _She could do something for him_. In this era, she could not help anyone - not even herself. If she could make his life a little better, then should she not take that chance? It was no way to live.

"Kouga, I'm not taking pity on you. I'm just trying to help."

"I don't need help, I'm fine." He forced his eyes closed while taking slow deep breaths. Last time, she pushed him to a point where he had to run away. He could not do it again. _He was _fine_, he could handle this_. Fuck he hated that word. He was using it over and over again and it was starting to lose its meaning.

"I need help," she admitted. "I'm here because I don't know what to do." Maybe honesty would be a good way to start it all? If she shared, then he might be more inclined to do the same.

He was not one to compare misfortune, but - this - _no_. He would do it. He would not say, anything, he would not talk to her. It was best if she followed through her original plan; leaving. That way she would keep a vague memory of him, a memory in which he was not totally fucked up. Unfortunately, his voice and body kept betraying him and he could not actually tell her to _leave_. There had to be another way. What could he do, what could he say to make her leave? He was not about the share his past; he was never going back to those distant nightmares. It had to be something else.

Honesty.

He could be honest and make her leave.

There were things, thoughts, that he should be ashamed of - and they would send her running. She would see what kind of twisted person he was without him revealing anything. He had to do it, he had to put a straight face on and push himself. He crisped his hands into fists, gathering whatever strength was left in him, and he focused on the element of surprise. For the second time that day, he pushed her against a wall, trapping her with his body. One of his legs managed to insert itself between her legs while he pressed both of his palms right by her shoulders, his thumbs brushing the bare skin of her arms.

"I didn't touch that girl last night."

Warmth spread through her body while he stared her down. When she tried to pull away, he pushed her around, when she tried to break down his walls, he did the same thing. It only highlighted further his confusion. He wanted her gone, and he wanted here. And he was bringing up the incident from earlier. He said he did not do anything and she chose to believe him. What was the point of bringing it up again? She forced her lips shut, preventing herself from asking any questions.

"I couldn't."

Could he do it? Could he push himself to embarrass her? He could not tell her to run away from him; he had to make her do it all on her own.

"I kept thinking about you."

Her stomach churned and she was forced to swallow hard. What was he talking about? He ran away from her. All they shared was a kiss and then he left.

"What if it was you on your knees."

His voice was hoarse, deep, sending shivers down her spine and palpitations spinning through her heart. His words held promises that forced her to clench her thighs together. She had convinced herself of his newfound disgust for her and he was slowly shattering that opinion. Her knees wobbled, weakness spreading through them, but she kept herself steady. She parted her lips, ready to speak, but no words came to her. What was she supposed to answer to that? How twisted was it that he was telling her how he fantasize about her while being with another. And why did it matter? It did not, it should not.

"Don't waste time on me."

There, he has said the fatal words, the one that would make her leave, run away. After all this time, he became a stranger and now, he gave himself an aura of dangerousness. She should fear him, she should leave. He could lose his mind at any moment. A normal person did not go through life like he did. She needed better. She needed to return home and fix her life. There was still time for her to be more than he ever would be. Nobody should hide in the woods, waiting for life to be over. She had a whole world waiting for her. A family even. He did not have a family; he did not even have a pack. He was a lonely alpha leader. What was the point? What legacy was he attempting to maintain?

Once he was gone, there would be nothing; not even a memory, or a linger in the wind. Everyone would have forgotten the history of his pack.

At that point, Kagome was panting slightly, her chest rising much faster than she intended. In his eyes, she saw the coating of shininess, the one that indicated the pain deep inside of him. He was trying to push her away. He was waiting for her to leave because he thought of himself as unworthy. Despite the missing centuries, she doubted Kouga could have turned out to be such a bad person. Yes, he could be restless and focused, but it was only about things he furiously believed in. He never doubted himself and everything he did, he believed was for the right reasons - even when he was killing humans. Where did that trust in himself go? When did he think he became so undeserving of good things?

he did not mean the words he said. There was no desire behind them, only fire.

He wanted to prove he was unworthy, but he was not.

"Why?""

The word came out like a whisper caressing his skin. "Why what?"

"Why did that stop you?" All creditability was lost when her cheeks turned red. No, she was not a virgin, but her experiences with Hojo had left her quite limited and it was not as though she was at ease with everything regarding sex.

Was she actually asking him that? His cock began to engorge with blood, aroused by her curiosity. Kagome always did manage to surprise him and that trait of her had not changed with the years. She was not giving in as easily as he expected. Did she not realize how dangerous he could be? He had not intentions of harming her, but he could never prepare himself for when the nightmares would strike. There was a reason why he remained awake ever since she arrived. There was the usual lack of sleep, but there was also the desire to remain safe. If something happened to him because of him, he would never forgive himself.

"Because it wasn't the same," he had to grit his teeth because the memories were too much. He could imagine the fell, remember her voice when she whispered his name in her dream and fuck. There was her scent. The more he spoke, the more her skin became coated with the sweetest aroma of them all. She was aroused - his words were turning her on. She was not supposed to be turned on. Her scent wrapped around him, inflicting upon him the same state of dizziness as when they had shared that kiss. He was not strong enough to pull away twice, not when he was this hard, this in need of a release. It was is way of dealing with his emotions and the past two days had been particularly difficult.

He had flashbacks he did not want and he felt more than he wanted to feel.

She had to pull away.

Why was she not pulling away?

"I'm no good," he croaked out.

He could not focus on his hard on, his mission, and his facade at the same time. Something had to give. What was it about Kagome that sent his life spiralling? He stopped eating humans because of her, he changed his ways and became a better person. One word and she transformed him. One word and she stole his heart. Five hundred years later, none of that had changed. Except, back then he thought he could make her happy. Now he knew better.

Kagome broke the new rule she had set for herself; she put a hand on his bicep. He never broke the glance, instead, he kept staring at her vividly. One wrong movement and he would flee. She saw this look in his eyes before; he had it when desperation hit him and the birds of paradise were killing off his pack. That Kouga was willing to do whatever it took to save everyone, even risking his own life. What broke him? It angered her; she wanted to know who stripped him of his personality, who turned him into someone she barely recognized. Where was the cockiness that made her roll her eyes? The determination that forced him to kidnap her? Or the courage that led him to proclaim his feelings on top of a mountain?

Love.

There was no love left in him.

Love for his pack, love of the thrill and adventure. All devotion was gone. He no longer believed in anything.

That was the difference.

He had nothing.

That empty house that looked inhabited. There was nothing personal, nothing warm. He had nothing to personalize it.

Sometimes, she felt alone, but she had something; she had her family. Most of the time however, they did not understand her, the struggles she went through. It was not for lack of trying, it was simply because it was a reality impossible for them to imagine. She tried to fight that loneliness with Hojo; a normal life was the perfect solution was it not? Wrong. It only made her feel even lonelier. This was the last option, her last chance at finding the thrill of life again. She was meant to figure out how she was to live in this world in which she no longer fully belonged anymore.

A girl out of time.

Just like he was a youkai out of balance.

She needed to believe there was hope. It would break her heart to think this was it for him.

Again, she did another stupid thing. Without the alcohol swirling through her blood and driving her courage, she buried her nose in the crook of his neck. He held his breath, but this time, he did not stiffen under her touch. Instead, his body pressed to hers and for the first time, she was able to feel his pressing need. It dug into her thigh, a wetness spreading between her legs. She remembered the earliest contact, the feel of his lips on hers and a need was created in the pit of her stomach.

"Kagome..." he warned. No, no this was bad. They had already established that much. She was untouchable, she was the path he could not travel. She felt small and fragile as she buried herself against his body. She was warm, so warm. And her scent had exploded, leaving no other aroma in his head. It was her, only her.

This time, she had less of a hold on him and yet he could not tear himself away. Temptation was the plague of his existence. Part of him dreamed of actually having her on her knees, sucking his cock, while the decent part of him wanted to hide away in shame. However, all thoughts went swirling when he felt her lips on his neck. She warmed up his skin, leaving a fire behind. Life; he felt alive. It was what she brought him. He needed to push her away. He was too fucked up, and he would only taint her further. That was the one thing he could not forgive himself. She was soothing, pure. He was nothing, but a mess.

If he spoke the truth and if his body's reaction was any indication, he did want this. It was not disgusting. But, he was blocking himself, shutting off everything around. He was trying to pull away, retract into his space of loneliness and pain. She wanted to pull him away from that and show him there was so much more than the torment he inflicted upon himself. If he saw it, if he believed in it, she might be able to do the same. There was something to look forward to each day, and she would remind them both of that. She had to.

Kagome forced his head backward by kissing his jaw. Her heart was pulsing, racing to the point where each heartbeat were painful. She was deafened by her fear and inhaled deeply as she rose to his cheek. His only reaction was to push himself harder against her, his erection digging into her, whispering promises. There was a fire burning inside of her, her brain melting with the feel of his body alone. Her past sexual experiences with Hojo did not bring her that passion she heard so much about. But him? His lips? His growls? They were the addiction and sparkle she heard about. She dared to dig her fingers into his biceps, clinging at the flesh, hoping for more.

Kouga wondered if he was in hell when he felt the slight roll of her hips. It was a sensory overload and he groaned before leaning forward. As he put his fangs against her collarbone, she was forced to tear herself away from his neck. She was playing with fire, forcing a desire to drum along his flesh. Fangs dragged down until he reached the top of her breasts, and they gave under the pressure of his teeth. He raked them back up, easily finding his way back to her neck. He wanted to pierce the flesh, nibble at it. He moved one of his hands, and grabbed hers. He used his new found hold and placated her hand against the wall and away from his body. She offered no resistance.

Afterwards, he resumed devouring her neck. Her blood rushed to the surface, but never broke the skin. She shivered in his hold, her wrist wavering as he held it down. He let himself taste her, despite the warning sounding off in his head. He was not good enough for him, but he wanted to take everything; he wanted to drink in her light and hang on to her. His lips found their way to hers and she wasted no time in melting against him. She returned the kiss, her tongue teasing his lips and his reciprocating, letting himself be blinded by the need that he felt pulsing through his body. He wanted to bury himself deep inside of her, feel her warmth and walls around him. Every time he touched her, every time he led his hand brush up her body, it was empowering. This he could do. He could not handle too much of it though. He had to keep himself in check, and calm. If not, he might lose all control.

Kagome bit back a moan while the novelty of the situation thrilled her. She wanted to touch him, craved to feel him beneath her fingertips, but it was impossible. One of her arms was pinned to the wall and she had a feeling that if she tried to move the other one, the same thing would happen. It was almost tempting. It was new; she was stuck. But it was not stressful, it sent her need spiralling. She was stuck in a daze when he tore his mouth from hers. She leaned forward at the loss of contact, but only found emptiness and coldness. His fingers brushed down her arm as he released her and pulled away. He slowly walked away from her, but this time he was not running. Instead, his steps were slow as he retrieved his bottle.

Again, he took a swung of it.

He was not leaving, he was just... stopping?

He had managed to make her body melt with nothing more than mere kisses. He had taken her need and magnified it, teasing her with the pleasures she never thought existed.

Kouga was a dark path that left her with one question.

Did she want to stay or run?

-M-


End file.
